When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
