The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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