Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
