please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
