I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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