if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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