apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
