Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
