tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
