fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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