I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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