Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
