Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
