Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
