woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
