Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize