This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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