in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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