What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
