Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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