Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
