During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have started to decorate penises.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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