My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
