; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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