My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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