stop calling my apartment porn island.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
