i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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