is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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