he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
