Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was born a porn star she said
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize