I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
