He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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