Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize