oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
