I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
