I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
