What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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