Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
