Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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