she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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