no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
