I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
