I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
