yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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