marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
