I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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