i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
