You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
