What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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