Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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