I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
