hell yes lets make some ravioli
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize